If what the Divine Feminine experts say about the 2000 millennium is true, that it carries great feminine energy because of the even number “2” and all those round zeros, then I have this idea that all the even years must carry more feminine energy than the odd years. Meaning the even numbered years are softer and more nurturing…

I haven’t yet studied my own life to see if it is at least anecdotally true for me but I can say that 2013 was a very hard year. I lost both parents in the last four months of 2013. In the process, I learned something about my belief system that startled me when it revealed itself.

To begin with, because I’ve frequently heard about how unnatural it is for a child to predecease his or her parents, I drew the conclusion that losing one’s parents in death was “natural.” Among the various orders of life, I reckon it is the natural order. But that doesn’t offer two cents worth of comfort when it comes to grieving their passing.

This leads me to that startling belief I uncovered…Apparently, I believed my parents would never die! Not ever. I can imagine a child having that belief, but I’m 53-years-old. Doesn’t that make it a cognitive distortion or something?

Well, I don’t really need to label it or me. The thing is it makes sense. My parents have been a part of my life since I took my first breath. That makes them god-like and God is ever present. Why shouldn’t they be too?

Fortunately, I found this surprising belief to be both bittersweet and humorous. Part of that comes from the nature of my family and our ability to laugh at ourselves without laughing at each other. Part of it comes from my willingness to trust my own grief process – this companion I’ve decided to invite along for the ride for as long as she wants to keep me company.

Another belief got my attention because of the confusion it has caused. It is the belief that people want to hear my story about my loss. That, being interested in me, they must be interested in my experience. This isn’t always true. Today a friend pointed me to Teryn O’Brien’s blog where Teryn listed fifteen things she wished she’d known about grief. Number 7 spoke to me loud and clear because it’s about this very issue.

She says, “No one will respond perfectly to your grief. People – even people you love – will let you down. Friends you thought would be there won’t be there, and people you hardly know will reach out. Be prepared to give others grace. Be prepared to work through hurt and forgiveness at others’ reactions.”

It is true that every single person’s experience of the grief journey is unique. Sometimes a strange belief popping up can make one feel odd and different from the rest of humanity. Sometimes a friend or loved one responding casually or inappropriately to confidences shared can make one feel not only odd and different but also make one feel misunderstood and like a burden to others as well.

Grieving is messy but it is sacred and holy stuff. It is an excellent opportunity to daily (hourly or sometimes by the minute) remind oneself that self-love and self-nurture are absolutely necessary. And, as Teryn suggests, to be on the lookout for grace because when grace happens while you’re grieving, it is extra sweet and nourishing.

My friend who posted Teryn’s blog said that taking care of yourself while grieving is “constructive…cocooning you to new life.” Surrendering to the cocoon is a gift of grace a person can give themselves.

If you found this blog entry because you know grief as a companion, wrap yourself up warm and snug in your own love, in God’s love, in the memory of your loved ones’ love and love, love, love up on yourself no matter what thoughts or feelings pop up, bombard, or simmer. That’s what I’m aiming at these days.

You were loved,

You are loved,

You have loved,

You still love.

You are love.

God bless us on this journey…