In the weeks following my fibromyalgia diagnosis I had a variety of reactions. There was sadness and grief, fear and foreboding, even a loss of innocence. But I also discovered a sense of “Oh. This is what’s real now. This isn’t going to go away. I have the freedom to stop fighting the stiffness and pain in my body in public places. I can tell friends and family when I’m too tired or hurting too badly to participate. I can because I must stop people pleasing in order to take proper care of myself. I have a new kind of self-consciousness but find I don’t mind it.”

On the day of the diagnosis I experienced great relief. Years of discomfort, pain, stiffness, and seemingly unrelated symptoms, syndromes, and decades of other diseases were all revealed to be carefully knit together by the one word, fibromyalgia. Symptoms that seemed to look like early onset dementia or Parkinson’s lost those facades, taking their place among this grouping of symptoms associated with fibromyalgia. Large sums of money chasing after various symptoms and diseases were suddenly no longer required.  

Personality changes brought on by the pain now made sense. When a person suffers with chronic pain, small inconveniences or minor injuries can feel like entirely too much to handle causing the sufferer (me) to fuss like a baby yet cuss like an adult over what must seem to others to be stuff so minor the sufferer (me) must be losing her mind.

Then there’s the research supplying little golden apples everywhere. There is no cure but there are things to do that separate low pain days from high pain days. Take wheat out of the diet – in fact take all grains out of the diet – and feel better. Take supplements that make a difference but pay attention because some are stimulants and you don’t want to take those late at night, because a restful night’s sleep is more important than anything.

Learn that the pain and the internal vibrating, thrumming, twitching phenomenon go hand in hand. So, do whatever is necessary for the pain and get relief from the internal noise and chaos as well. When those parts calm down, anxiety calms down too. And though lessening the pain may do little to nothing for the chronic fatigue of fibromyalgia, it is at least more easily tolerated on low pain days.

Do whatever works for the pain but this doesn’t include pain relievers. The gut of a fibromyalgia patient is sensitive and NSAIDS just lead to gastritis. It is far better to limit certain foods from the diet for pain relief than to create an upset stomach – one of those acute things that lead to fussing like a baby, cussing like an adult.

Follow gifts of intuition like massaging lavender oil onto the spot where pain sets off like firecracker sparklers under the skin. With repeated use the sparkler pain goes away.

Follow the hunch that the right combination of the right kind of pillows will mean sleep is disturbed a fewer number of times in the night because one or both arms seemingly on fire from their falling asleep occurs less often.

And keep in mind that the less this thing is resented, by not resisting it, the more intuition is available for providing clues to relief.

In fact, as my gifted therapist pointed out, by not resisting the pain and fatigue, by accepting them, their intensity calms down. Furthermore, he suggested that when in pain, put attention on the places that don’t hurt. Miraculously, then, what does hurt, hurts less!

Every single helpful thing is so important and there is one more. Pay attention. Pay attention to the low pain days because, laying them side-by-side, low pain days are nearly experienced as pain free days compared to high pain days. But also pay attention to the low pain days and the mornings when the few hours of having energy are especially good; then feel and express gratitude for that, because every moment of gratitude builds resilience for however this fibromyalgia shows up next: low pain day, high pain day, new symptom, or reduction in symptoms.

The good news is there is a diagnosis. The bad news is there is no known cure. Another piece of bad news is there is no way of knowing how it might progress. But there is also more good news and that is seizing this thing as an opportunity to:

• Practice excellent self-care.
• Grow resilience.
• Let the small stuff go.
• Embrace the maturation process that comes with taking it one day at a time.
• Discover the freedom in the emotional honesty of saying to a loved one, “I’m having a bad day and I feel fussy. To keep from cussing over every little thing or at you, I’m going to take a little space. But I love you and I’ll do my best to be calm on this day.

Fibromyalgia is full of separate yet connected pieces. Knitting them together with intention and grace gives us a gift; it puts us in control of our relationship with this unbidden companion who may accompany us the rest of our lives.